The Only Thing that's Good in Me is Jesus

The Only Thing - Ronnie Freeman

I heard someone say the other day
They'd seen in me true love displayed
Blessed by something I had done for them

No sooner did they speak those words
I found myself somehow disturbed
Uneasy as I took their compliment

Because I know the heart inside this man
And I know the truth of who I am

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I've lived long enough to know no matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

If you could walk the hallways of my heart
And see things as they really are
I wonder if you might be surprised

Seeing faded walls of pride and fear
Rooms I've filled with faithless tears
And corners where I've stood in compromise

Oh but you'd see the work his grace has done
And you'd know just how far I've come

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I've lived long enough to know that no matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

And in a thousand years
When the dust of this world clears
And I look back on my life and see in perfect light

Yeah, yeah, the only thing that's good in me is You, Lord
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I know me well enough to know yeah

The only thing that's good in me yeah
The only thing that's good in me yeah
I know me well enough to know no matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

It's You.
It's You.
It's You.
It's You.
It's Jesus.

A friend posted this song on her facebook about an hour ago, and I listened to it for the first time. Ever since then, it's been on repeat.

(There's this great website that actually works called Youtube Repeat. All you do is type in repeat after 'youtube' but before '.com' so it looks like youtuberepeat.com/afdsahjf. It repeats whatever song/video you are listening to over and over without you having to click restart. Fantastic invention if you ask me.)

Well, I suppose I'll tell you why this song has hit me so hard tonight. After all, it has been a while since I let you into my head.

Lately it feels as though I have been inundated with people telling me how I radiate hope, joy, love, peace, etc. They tell me how different I am now. They tell me that they look up to my strength for overcoming so much. And to be honest, I feel really awkward when they tell me those things - because I really don't feel like I have changed that much. I don't see the joy, hope, or strength that apparently radiates off of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that they see those things because that is evidence of the fact that God has changed my life so radically. People don't see death when they look at me anymore. That's huge. But the thing is, I almost feel like people are idolizing my ability to overcome - rather than look towards the Redeemer, the Deliverer...the One who has transformed my life.

It's really hard for me to sit there and hear them say these things about me because I know my faults. I know my struggles. I live with my flaws everyday.

Sometimes, I think that if people knew what I was really like, they wouldn't say those things - rather, they would run away in fear. I feel like I have these expectations that I have to live up to now...that I have to always be happy and strong. I know those are self-imposed expectations though.

What I really want people to see when they look at me is Jesus. He is the only reason I am alive. He is the One who set me free from the depression, the suicidal tendencies, the self injury, and the eating disorder.

Left to my own devices, I would be restricting like crazy, giving in to the temptation that arises to hurt myself, consumed by depression, and wanting to die. I know that, because every time I allow myself to start doing things on my own, that's where I end up. Every time I take a step away from God, I resort back to old behaviours.

I don't want to set those expectations for myself of being strong, whole, and healthy own my own. I can't do it.

I want to decrease to the point that the only good thing that people see when they look at me is Jesus.


P.S. here's the link to the audio version of the song that I posted above.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DZ7YWJvRLw