Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Real Talk

Okay, I started this blog with the intention of being real.

So, here's some real talk.

I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm sinking.

I'm so sick of getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed again and again. I'm so tired of putting myself out there and allowing myself to bare my heart and lay it all out there only to find out that it was all an act. That no one actually cares.

The thing is, no matter how much I want to go back to the way I used to be, I can't. I've tasted success. I've walked in freedom. I've gained a voice.

I can't just throw it all away.

Real life is hard. It sucks sometimes...sometimes more than others. I'm scared of having to face it on my own. [And before you go telling me that I'm not alone...trust me, I know that.] When I say on my own, I mean...that I have to make the toughest choices of my life for myself. I have to go through life...my life...and try not to screw it up too terribly.

My emotions are all over the place. I'm angry, scared, lonely, disappointed, expectant, joyful, confused. I go from being on top of the world one minute, thinking I've got everything under control, to flat on my face ready to throw in the towel the next.

I have zero security. No stability. And I desperately want that. Desperately.

I know that God is the only way for me to achieve that - but no matter how much time I spend with Him, I have yet to find that lasting stability and security that I crave so desperately.

I know that I can't allow my emotions to dictate my life...but I felt the need to get it out. I feel like blogging is possibly one of the most healthy ways that I could express my thoughts without imploding.

I say implode, because I don't explode. I take all my pent up frustration and anxiety and emotion and take it out on myself. I can't do that anymore though. I just can't. So I blogged.

Is that real enough for you?

1 comment:

  1. I love you.

    So incredibly much.

    I am covering you in prayer every single day. You are strong and dedicated. Passionate and powerful. You have got so much going for you...continue to crave Him, yearn for Him more than anything else.



Do Not Despise Humble Beginnings - Blogger Templates, - by Templates para novo blogger Displayed on lasik Singapore eye clinic.