Saturday, May 14, 2011

He Who Promised Is Faithful

I've really been struggling to write...because I just haven't really had words.
I still don't really...but I'm writing this blog to remind me of what I know to be truth.

While I was at Mercy, God birthed a dream within me. That dream requires an education. I know that I'm going to be in school for a long time...because, well...1) it was prophesied over me by Jane Hamon and 2) I love to learn and have big goals for myself educationally.

Until recently, I didn't know what that education was going to look like though. Since December, I have been accepted to three different schools. Two in Nashville, and one just outside of Boston.

Up until a month ago, I was struggling to make my choice about which school to attend. The struggle really wasn't about the schools though, because either way I would get a great education. I had to decide which city to live in - and I had so many people telling me all different things. Most said Boston, some said Nashville. God said that He'd bless me either way, but He wanted me to make the choice. Man, did that ever frustrate me. I have always been very indecisive, and I much prefer it when other people make my tough choices for me. However, I'm a "grown up" now. I have to learn to make my own decisions for my life.

So I chose Nashville.

I chose Nashville for many reasons. The main one being that I know myself. I know my tendency to isolate, and I know how easy it would be for me to get caught up in that if I were to move to a place where no one knows me. Nashville, I have people who know me...people who I trust. I see potential for me to build incredible relationships with people. Healthy friendships.

[I've never had a truly healthy friendship before, so this is a whole new ball game for me. I think it'll be really cool to have friends outside of the "eating disorder" and "treatment" circle. Not that there's anything wrong with that...but sometimes there is.]

The funny thing is, as soon as I made the decision, another door opened up. Things fell together so quickly, and I ended up getting accepted to yet another Franklin. This time though, the possibility arose for me to be awarded a full scholarship.

So I wrote the essay, and the President of the College voted yes. He thinks that I should get the full scholarship. There are only three people on the committee, so the likelihood of that happening is very high. comes the part that is causing me so many issues right now...

In order for the school to officially accept me and issue my I-20 (which I need in order to get my student visa), I have to have an official bank statement showing that I can pay for the cost of one year's tuition plus living expenses.

That's a problem. I've been consistently unemployed since I graduated. I have no money. How on earth am I supposed to get a bank statement that says I have thousands of dollars? So I tried to come up with a solution, but that solution hasn't worked yet either.

Did I mention that this all needs to happen really soon? I'm supposed to start class in July.

Oh yeah, and I need to find a place to live. That's proving to be quite the challenge as well...because I don't want to live with just anyone.

...and now I'm back to square one. If I can't get this bank statement, then I can't go to school in the States. I can't be accepted to any school in Canada due to the...erm...frustrating fact that they didn't grant me equivalent credits for all the work I did at Mercy.

My pre-Mercy grades were not good at all...but they didn't reflect my ability in the least. But I mean, how could they? I basically dropped out of school halfway into the first semester of 11th grade. I spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else, and I didn't even want to be alive. I guarantee you school was not high on my priority list.

The more I think about it, the more I start to doubt. The more I doubt, the more distraught I become.

I finally feel like my life is getting started. I'm moving out. Getting a car. Going to college. Doing internships. Making a difference. But I feel like it could so easily just end again. If I am not able to work out the details to get my student visa, then I'm stuck here. Going nowhere.

Here's the part where I state the truth:

God is not a man that He should lie! God promised that He would bless me for making that decision, and He has. He opened up the door for me to go to Williamson Christian College (for free?) starting in July. That is a major answer to prayer - because I just want to get there and get started.

For the past few days, whenever I think about this issue, the same phrase pops into my head.

"He who promised is faithful."

I knew that it was from the Bible somewhere, and it just so happens to be from Hebrews 10:23. It says, "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." {Fun fact: I memorized that verse back in 6th grade when I first started Bible Quizzing!}

"He who promised is faithful."

He is faithful. He keeps His word. He hasn't brought me this far just to completely abandon me.

"He who promised is faithful."

I will hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope that I profess, because He who promised is faithful.

I'm going to be in Nashville for the start of classes in July. God has opened all the doors so far, and I will trust Him to work out the intricate details of the visa process.

Although, if you wouldn't mind praying for me in this process, I would really appreciate it.

1 comment:

  1. Lexi, the Spirit of the Lord who is inside of you is guiding you every step of the way. I love to read your posts. I'm so encouraged to see your trust in Him in the midst of uncertainty. What is impossible with man is possible with God. His timing is not ours. Sometimes we're ready to receive everything in a hand basket, complete with a pretty pink bow and the Lord says, "I have more to teach you my child, wait on me and see." Then he comes through at the 11th hour with everything we need. I'm right there with ya! I need to raise $3,000 for my trip to Africa by next month. Money is coming in, but slowly, and I'm just praying that my faith would grow through this time of waiting. I'm praying for you today Lexi and I'm so excited for you! :)


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