Thursday, January 12, 2012

All I Ask Is That You Make Time...

And now for the real reason I reappeared on this blog!

I posted something on Crackbook (as my dearly beloved prof from last semester, Percy, calls it [for good reason]) about an hour ago. Just a short little status update, but it holds significant meaning in my life right now, and apparently it struck a chord with a lot of people.

"If someone matters to you, you make time for them. It doesn`t matter how busy you are, or how chaotic your life is. If you want them in your life, you will make a way. It`s as simple as that."

To be honest, it was just a venting status. It wasn't intended to be some wise or profound statement. I just wanted to speak a little bit of truth in a fairly kind way that probably wouldn't be interpreted with as much...anger and frustration that I'm feeling at the moment.

There are some people in my life right now who say they care and that they want to get together and that I am so precious to them. Honestly? I think that's a bunch of freaking BS. I've gotten my hopes up time and time again that I might be developing a real, healthy friendship with someone, only to find out that really, I don't matter to them at all.

I'm tired of being around people who say they love me but when I try to make plans, they say they're busy or they'll get back to me when they're free. I see these people making plans with other people in their lives on a spur of the moment whim, but I'm not important enough to them for them to give up one hour of their precious, valuable time to sit and chat with me about random things at a coffee shop?

I really don't want to hear anyone say, "Well, clearly you're just not pursuing them enough." Or, "You just need to try harder to be more social." I've been working my freaking ass off even when I feel like complete and utter crap to get out and do things and be social. I'm doing the opposite action (to throw in some DBT speak ;))and I'm trying really hard.

When someone means the world to me, I will make time for them. If someone says they need to talk, I will drop everything (and I understand there are some responsibilities such as work that cannot be dropped at their own convenience) to be with that friend when they need me.

I don't know if it's too much to ask, but I'd really like to be afforded the same type of value in a friendship.

It's really discouraging to me to know that the very people that I want to be in relationship with...just don't feel that I'm worth the effort.

1 comment:

  1. This is one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn in my life. When you're the only person holding on, it's time to let go. There are people who I would have thrown myself in front of a bus for because I craved them to care about me as much as I cared about them. I let people walk all over me because I thought maybe it meant the friendship would go both ways, if that makes sense.

    I know its cliche, but people get busy. Really, it doesn't mean they care less. I was going through an incredibly rough time last April and my best friend couldn't be there for me as much as she wanted to be, as much as I needed her to be, because she was busy. And I've come to a point where I finally realized I can't expect someone to drop what they are doing for me because than we're comparing. We're comparing whose situation is the most important, when they are both important but in differing ways. I don't know. I guess I just have stopped expecting so much of people, because it leads to less disapointment and I mean, setting crazy expectations really isn't that fair?

    And I just want to say, this best friend of mine, was worth every failed friendship I have had - worth every tear i shed over the people I wanted to like me so much. I know that quote is cheesy that "one day somebody is going to walk into your life and make it clear why it didn't work with anybody else." But it's true. She saves me. She saves me everyday whether she knows it or not. And I don't expect her to save me, I know that i have to "save" myself, but in subtle small ways she *does* save me. The difference this time around is I don't expect it, like I said. But still, it's nice to finally feel like I'm getting back what I give out.

    And that's my 2.63$ of opinion.



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